Thank you so much for popping in. I hope 2020 has treated you well so far. I have been busy working away on Twisted Tree, so that I can bring you the most amazing experience when it comes to capturing those special moments. I, like you have also been stuck in this polar vortex of cold, which has forced me to really sit down and get to it. And as much as I am not a fan of the cold, I also choose to live here, therefore I have to embrace Alberta in all of its glory. So here I am about to share with you, not only my first blog post EVER! But also today's adventure.
To start things off for the last two days I have been dealing with an issue with my right eye. On Tuesday night I came home went about my routine of feeding the critters, making supper with Danny and having a little bit of couch time when literally out of nowhere, I got something in my eye. Something so painful that one might compare it to the feeling of stepping on a wretched piece of Lego. So there I am 9:30 at night trying to rinse, flush, persuade and drown out this jagged unwelcome foreign body from my eye. Despite our best efforts nothing worked, something was still in there and now I resembled that of a semi-deranged, drown rat with a singular puffy red eye. Fantastic. Hospital? No way, that would mean I am "weak", besides everyone said it was probably gone and that the feeling of sand in my eye was probably just a scratch and would go away with time.
Wednesday morning rolls around and I still look like I am hitting on everything insight with the wink that is now a permanent fixture on my face. This is clearly less than ideal and with the pain I decide to cave, and head for help. We will fast forward through my visit to the doctor's office, because other than flipping my eyelid over and giving me the eyelid of the Michelin man nothing regarding improvement takes place. Then I head to emerge where I am told they can flush my eye. Again, nothing to be seen and other then the fact my eye is frozen now, I am sent on my mary way with the note that if it gets worse, come back. Needless to say yesterday eve I am back at emerge to have my eye flushed. After assessing the back of my eyelid and now noticing severe irritation I am granted the joyous experience of having my eye flushed. Now to anyone who has never had this done it is excruciating and nothing like what I imagined. Unlike what I thought would be similar to a water fountain for your eyes, I was told to strip down as things were about to get wet... Before I knew it I was laying on the bed, with only a gown on, ready for what I still thought was going to be a syringe or squirt bottle type set up to flush my eye. How wrong I was. Then the nurse comes in and unwraps a sadistic looking contact lens that is about the thickness of a quarter and has a long tube coming out of it. Never having worn contacts or glasses I have no idea what to expect. Bless her heart the nurse was incredible, and as gently as I am sure was possible inserts this contraption onto my eye and proceeds to tell me that they are going to drip an entire litre of water through this into my eye. This experience was terrible. I tried to stay as still as possible but naturally when too much water builds up, reflex kicks in and your eye shuts, well unless it is being held open by the contact lens of satan. I'll let you fill in the rest... What felt like an eternity later and like the the entirety of hoover dam had poured over my eye, I caved and when the nurse asked I told her that I couldn't take it anymore. With tears now running from both eyes I was free'd. Hallelujah! Before I could run for the safety of my truck, the Doctor came back and was kind enough to freeze my eye again as it continued to spasm, and sent me home with an eye patch so I could let my eye relax.
So today here I am Pirate Woman of the Vortex. And this is where we get into the real hilarity of this thing called my life. For those of you who don't know, I live on an acreage, north of Turner Valley, and by day when I am not a wedding photographer I work for a cutting horse trainer nearby. (Pertinent information for the rest of the story). Having slept without my patch I decided it would be a good idea to put it back on for a while longer this morning. Being told that I was to not come to work since I was still in less than prime condition, I had to go and turn off my truck that my chivalrous boyfriend had started for me on his way to work. So there I was stark naked (sorry for the visual -but I can't stand sleeping in pj's), with an eye patch. Did I go and get dressed for the -40 something weather? Heck to the no, I was full well planning to run out, feed the horses, turn off my truck, and jump right back into bed like any driven human who just got the morning off would do, especially in this weather. What do I do? I grab my long brown skijor ready shearling coat and Danny's muck boots and alongside the dogs I jump outside ready to rip the bandaid and get this over with before my lady bits freeze. With boots four sizes too big and the drive of not wanting to freeze parts of me that should never be out in this weather, I am back to the house in no time flat. This is when I get a bit of a wake up call, the door won't open. Weird, maybe I didn't have it quite unlocked. The universe is on my side, I have my truck keys. Well my truck keys yes, but not a single key on it for our door knob on the front door. (We have a keypad). Another stroke of genius, the house key I have must be for the back door. As I make my way around the house, it's starting to get a little chilly and drafty under the winter version of a flasher's trench coat that I am wearing. Again, no luck with the key in the back door and of course no spare key. So now I'm up a creek without a paddle, except replace the creek with lovely -40 weather and no clothes looking like I'm going to audition for the next Pirates of the Mountain View County movie. My phone is in the house and I have no other option then to drive 30 minutes to town in hopes Danny has a key. That or show up to my friends place looking like a bargain bin strip-o-gram.
I decided on the first, and made my way to town praying to the heavens that I don't get pulled over. Not only did I not have my license but I was in to way ready to explain to the cop my lack of clothing. The next challenge was going to be getting Danny's attention, I mean I couldn't very well just walk into the shop where he works looking like I do. At this point I decided it was probably best to remove the eye patch, I mean that was bound to help my appearance at this point, or not. Once I arrived at the shop I decided that it would be best to try the door near where Danny's toolbox was and hopefully he would be close by and I could retreat back to my truck before anyone was the wiser. Thankfully this panned out and no one saw the trench coat, no mascara, bed head, giant boots and no clothes version of me that was. Girls if you ever want to make your fellas laugh, showing up with this much desperation will definitely do the job! Thankfully Danny had a key to the back door, and after much shaking of his head and laughter (on his part), we parted ways and I made my way to the warmth and protection of my home... and clothes.
It turns out the door knob was actually frozen, and it wasn't my under caffeinated be-hind that was responsible. At least not for the door freezing shut. Moral of the story kids, dress for the weather, and always, I repeat, always, have a spare key.
Now I know this might be a little bit of an out there story, especially since I have never written a blog before. But I mean how could I not, this is me, this is my life and it's time to pull back the curtain and share with you all the completely ridiculous situations that make up my life.